Tuesday, August 7, 2012 Panama

I was able to get 7 hours of sleep last night – PTL!  I know I’ve mentioned it before in other posts, but I really prefer to go to bed early and get up early, but when traveling I must adjust.  The part I hate is that I struggle then in my prayer time if I’m too sleepy – my thoughts are not clear and my eyes want to close!  Breakfast was granola and yogurt and Earl Grey tea – happy camper.

We got to the ‘clinic’ and set up like yesterday.  One of the things very different about this situation seems like a small thing, but I guess it’s a mental game.  Normally, we don’t see the patients waiting in line – we see them one at a time.  But here, there was no waiting area other than right in front of us, so I was constantly noting that the line was getting longer and longer.  That was hard at times – the times I was tired and wanted to be through for the day.  And today just seemed chaotic.  Our scale wasn’t working correctly, which isn’t a big deal for adults, but is very important for the children.  All of the antibiotics are weight based, so it was important to be accurate.  While the other clinic was open they let us use their scale, but this just added to the confusion to walk patients over there and back while new patients were arriving.  Men’s hearts are the same everywhere when it comes to the ‘me first’ mentality, and this was no exception.  It was hard to keep everyone in the order in which they came. 

Bradley had to go out and find more of a certain antibiotic because we were seeing so many patients with impetigo, and we had used up our stock of that medicine.  A lot of the kids had Chinese powders applied to these infections – I guess a contribution from the local Chinese herb doctor.  Again, I was seeing more children with junky sounding lungs, even after breathing treatments.  All I could think of was how these kids would be treated if they were in an ER in the States, and there was no way we could do that for these kids.  These parents couldn’t afford radiology and blood studies, let alone inpatient care with IV antibiotics, nor did we have the capacity to provide these services.  The effect on me was cumulative, and the case that pushed me over the edge was a little two-year-old boy with boils all over his head and trunk. One of the boils on his head needed incised and drained, but while holding his head for the doc to do this, my hands caused others of them to rupture and there was purulent drainage coming from each of them.  The little guy was wailing and my stomach was churning; not from the drainage but from his pitiful condition.  Yes, we could give antibiotics for the boils but he obviously needed proper nutrition and hygiene as well.  I had to excuse myself at this point to have a good cry.  It took me a few minutes to regain my composure and start again.   We finished around 4:30, but because there is no way to secure the supplies we had to set up and tear down each day, so we didn’t get back to the hotel until around 6 pm.  While the pharmacy was finishing filling scripts I visited the school next door.  They were having what seemed to be a marching band practice – hard to imagine the need of a marching band in this area, but they sounded good.  I met a teacher and brought him over to see the clinic.  Pastor Willis witnessed to him, but he didn’t get saved.  He did, however, hear the gospel and take a tract.  PTL for some watering and sowing!

When we got back to the hotel I took a shower and chose to skip dinner.  Instead I spent some time with the Lord, trying to get the right perspective on things.  Again, I am being rather transparent, but most of my life I’ve had the idea that I had to be strong and handle whatever came my way without asking for help, and that I had to do everything perfectly.  It’s truly just been this year that I realized two things: 1) that the Lord never intended for me to handle life alone – He wants me to lean on Him, and 2) He never expected perfection of me – I can never be perfect while in this mortal body.  After crying and praying for these kids and my weakness, I was comforted by the reminder that I don’t have to know everything, I don’t have to take care of everyone, and I certainly don’t have to bear all of the needs of these people on my shoulders - only the Lord can do that.  I went to bed early, which I knew would help me, too.  One of my teachers from college used to say, “Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is go to bed!”  Amen to that!